If my recent love life was inspired by movies,
then for all my adult years, the Lifetime Movie goes to "The Lake House", but instead of the happy ending  content of Keanu & Sandra, I had "Ill Mare" the original korean version of sadness and despair, no matter how much it portrays the beauty of love, it still is painful and never a good feeling to have .. Although not to the extreme extent of literal death.. but say, halves of your soul has parted crudely and left you limp in limbo for a while..



funny how life turns out.. eventhough, i had this foretold way way before, it never ceased to amaze me how things come into place like small little puzzle of  life comes to live.



Finally, as many others.. I watched this movie..
The supposedly funny movie, was a bit sad in all the right places..
It reminds me a lot of my Virgo.. my dearly beloved virgo, whom hollow indentation has not yet being replaced nor filled by any other. Well, I never thought this is going to be easy .. so i know what's coming..

Breaks away from the habitual rhythm and familiar senses.
It felt oddly similar to losing your security blanket, left you out in the open with no comfort zone for you to shelter on. The saddest part of it all is.. knowing that you will not have it back in any circumstances and had to let it go willingly for greater good. They say, "To Love is to Sacrifice" and this is the honest painful truth

and as for you, who should not be named.





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LOVE SCALE
Love was just a note that I use to sing
In any scale it don’t mean a thing
High or low, fast or slow
I never had a clue
But now that I’ve found you

Chorus:
So La Ti Do Re Mi Fa So
Every note means
Love you everyday that I know
Re Mi Re Mi Di
Means I want you close to me
So I can sing every note of my love scale for you

Your kiss is like the note that I use to miss
Now it’s a groove that I can’t resist
Allegretto, Appassionato
I couldn’t hold a tune
But now that I’ve found you
(Chorus)

Could there be more than twelve notes I could sing to you
Could there be more than three words to say I love you
Could there be happier moments
Than spending this one with you

Your smile is like a song that I can’t forget
Long after you’re gone it’s still spinning round my head
In swing and jazz, blues and samba
It doesn’t matter how
Cause now that I’ve found you
(Chorus 2x)

So I can sing you every single note of my love scale
This crazy little scale of love

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21st September 2012

Dear you, Happy 39th Birthday..
Wishing you nothing but happiness and joy, may you be blessed abundantly and be loved by many..

Yes, although you're there and i'm here many many miles away ... but the feeling never subsided completely.
However, the ring of destiny broke us apart and I realized the "before" dream was never "present" no matter how much the heart cried and hands ajar to reach the unreachable distance made possible by the cruel fate.

There is always a special place for you my dearest... locked away in the fond 7 years memories of the heart..

-Bebenya Dee..~

And his reply...


Dearest, I may be somewhat of an illusion of a happiness to you,
Tapi .. jangan biarkan bayang - bayang semu abu abu menoreh hujan di biru langit..

in another life..
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O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O stay and hear! your true-love's coming
That can sing both high and low;
Trip no further, pretty sweeting,
Journey's end in lovers' meeting--
Every wise man's son doth know.

What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies no plenty,--
Then come kiss me, Sweet and twenty,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.

-William Shakespeare-


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待到秋来九月八，我花开后百花杀。
冲天香阵透长安，满城尽带黄金甲
- 不第后赋菊, 黄巢 -

As the autumn fall on the double ninth festival
Bestowing myriad blossom to my chrysanthemum buds while others perish
imbues fragrance throughout the city of Chang'An
As the whole city clothed in Golden armor
~ Ode to the Crysanthemum, Huang Chao ~


An element of sadness, courage, hope and content
As if I understand the whole meaning of you
an ending of a lovelorn tell-a-tale ..

I understand now, where those hatred initiates
however, life ... goes on...
however brash that may sound.. lingering in limbo leads to no where.
I tried :) .. and failed miserably .. I still remember the pain .. i feel you ..

Strive forward with your head held high !
Let the heart flows like of those water running through your bare back, overstepping coral hurdles
And let the eventually be current.. embracing you to the love you yearn.
Open the carefully masked heart, stop licking those lively wounds hoping to find a cure.

I am a nobody .. not to you not to any one ..
Just a protruding female character with a stubborn kind heart whom liked you from day one.
A foolish forbidden mistake in the rule of the game ..
I Despise the game, I flirt, I danced, I laugh but i love wholeheartedly .
Enjoying the thrill of courting but never the game .. exhausting mind games is a bit too much for a simple minded me.
A seemingly interested you ..confuses me .. all for the polite gestures I suppose.

Ann dearest..
Before I bid the long awaited adieu .. freeing you from my pursuit and carry on..
I'd like to say .. I like you, even more than i originally planned.
The kindness you're portraying to your beloved family, and dedication to your work amazes me, so does to many other women I see :) ..and you seem oblivious of their mere existence.. fixating your gaze to the one matters most.

However .. one simply can't dance with a pegged leg .. therefore.. I wish you well my luv...
Be the courage itself and let the chrysanthemums guide you to the source of light for which you will shine your brightest..

Never you mind the rest my dearest.. as this will became a memory kept away in a hidden pandora box.
out of reach, out of sight..

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Unable to keep
my eyes closed,
I found myself
floating,
drifting,
dancing
in a bright light..
-moonbleu-


Spectator
Has come to the darkside

July 2012
August 2012
September 2012
October 2012
November 2012
December 2012
January 2013
February 2013
March 2013
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February 2014
April 2017

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